I (and Abbie) just finished the audiobook No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, by Richard C. Schwartz. How’s that for some light vacation road-trip earbud sharing? Dr. Schwartz has been developing this model over the course of his professional life, now widely used. I find it especially helpful for understanding myself and others.
Rather than thinking of the mind as a singular thing with various pathologies, Internal Family Systems (IFS) sees the mind as made up of, well, a family, which it calls “parts.” We each have many parts, created and shaped through life experiences.
IFS sees three major categories of parts: Managers who actively try to keep us safe and secure; Firefighters who react to threats; and Exiles, the parts of ourselves burdened with pain that Managers try to keep at a distance. And like any family, our parts have varying degrees of health and dysfunction.
One of the most exciting discoveries of IFS is the existence of what Dr. Schwartz calls the Self, the “seat of consciousness,” a fully formed center of calm, compassion, confidence, and curiosity (there are actually 8 c’s to describe it). It sounds a little too good to be true, but IFS practitioners the world over testify to its presence. his is contrary to the notion that these characteristics are external qualities we need to develop.
Managers’, Firefighters’, and Exiles’ intention is to protect the Self, but they often take over in unhelpful ways, and we end up over-identifying with any one of them, mistaking an anxious, angry, defensive, self-aggrandizing or self-deprecating part for the Self. If a person is feeling paralyzed by fear, for example, IFS invites the person have the fearful part step to the side, or sit in a waiting room. If no other part takes over, the Self is then able to relate with the fearful part out of compassion and curiosity, helping that part heal and find a healthier way of functioning in the internal family. The goal is to become increasingly Self-led.
It’s a way of seeing that lines up well with the Jewish and Christian idea of each person bearing the image of God, the Self, which can get distorted by harms. Marriage, or any significant relationship, adds a whole other layer of Selves encountering one another, and parts relating with and triggering the parts of another person.
It’s a bit hard to summarize, probably because I’m still trying to understand it, but there’s a taste. If this is a new way of thinking or something you wish to go more in depth with, I highly recommend the book or any other reading about Internal Family Systems. Even better if accompanied by a road trip.
Joel
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