I was the Middler SS teacher for about 75% of the Sunday School year, wonderfully and ably supported by Abbie Miller and Shelly Beiting who provided weekly snack and a bit of non-boy balance to the enterprise that had 10 strapping, bright, creative, thoughtful, funny, and energetic guys on the roster. The abrupt cancellation of classes eliminated a formal goodbye blessing and, worse, the much anticipated end-of-year machete demonstration, Samson rope tying, and belching contest party.
I wanted to keep that group connected….
With parents consulted, on March 22 I started this “add-a-sentence-a-day” story by sending the first line to one of the guys, who added an appropriate following sentence that was returned to me. I then sent only that sentence to the next in alphabetical order, collected his sentence, and continued through the six participants and Abbie, Shelly, and me through several cycles.
The story will have lengthened before you read this that Abbie describes as “so much like a typical Sunday school class.” Enjoy the result to date:
Yesterday I watched eight trumpeter swans turn west over a Clintonville ravine.
At the end of the ravine there was a waterfall. At the end of the waterfall there was a cave. Behind the waterfall there was an ink well and paper.
Creeping slowly nearer, the diminutive being peered through the mist at the unfamiliar objects.
He began writing an invitation to his friends asking them to come to a party in his secret place. His secret place was his hideout under the bushes in the front yard, surrounded by three hemlock trees he could climb.
Then 3 Aliens came down from space and kidnapped him and took him to space.
The aliens told the man that they were taking him back in time.
The man said excitedly, “Can we go back to the Jurassic period? I’ve always wanted to see a dinosaur!”
With the push of the golden button and a pull of the red lever, suddenly the magic train started to sputter and it began to accelerate toward the pterodactyl mountain.
The railway cars were full of precious cargo, this was no ordinary delivery, and those waiting on pterodactyl mountain were watching the puffs of smoke as the train inches closer.
“Right on time. Always reliable, that train,” said the stationmaster. “OK, folks, get those carts ready, we have to unload the pterodactyl eggs and get them immediately in the incubators!”
But then the F.B.I. burst through the station wall and said, “Give back the stolen eggs and we’ll spare your lives.”
The Egg stealer who stole the eggs turned into a Cow. Then he and the F.B.I. had Hamburgers together. The hamburger was made with soy.
"Oh no, Josh," I exclaimed, "one time my sister made us be vegetarians for a week and these things were disgusting. All I want is pizza rolls and a big hunk of rare steak! And maybe a Pepsi."
He said, “The Pepsi will be useful in opening a portal.”
As he cracked open the Pepsi and poured it in the ground, a portal started to appear. By the time the Pepsi bottle was empty a 6-foot column of bubbles had formed, he stepped in and everything started to spin.
He avoided fainting only by studying his lengthening arms and legs.
He says to himself, “Yes, now I can grab the milk and cookies while sitting on the couch at home!”
“Or will fake Santa grab them first?” he thought. “Or will the Cheetah and the Squirrel to my right grab them first?” He thought, “Wait, Cheetah and Squirrel!” he said, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”
Then a window named Sled Head came with his friend Pork Chop (he was a pork chop) and Pork Chop had a friend named Skewer the Tiger and he had a toy - it was a lamb, Mutton. But then Mrs. Chicken Head came with Evil Elmo and Big Bird and Bob the Builder.
Then Daniel Tiger came along with his trolley and all the cartoon characters got in a little bit of a fight. Daniel Tiger vanished the cartoon characters from the Land of Make Believe and continued on his way to help his sister with his assignment.
On his way to help his sister on her assignment he ate a banana. The banana gave him the energy he needed to fasten on his jet pack and start it up.
He blasted up into the air at breakneck speed, through the clouds and he could see mountaintops in the distance, when suddenly he realized he had no idea how to steer this thing.
(More to come!)